Being Indifferent As You Do

Being indifferent means being dispassionate about things happen around you. So, when people smile at you, you can lift up your brows or merely keep silent. Or in other level, be a bit cold. Either way, it's what I am talking about. People are personalities. There are 7 billion of us live a different lives and multiple personalities. If only we can keep that in mind, we won't easily judge someone without knowing their true personalities or stories.

Well, once my colleague... he was my friend, but after he told what I'm going to tell you about, I level down his companionship level from a 'friend' to only just 'acquaintance'. He told me, quite honest actually, that I've been so indifferent to other people. SO indifferent 'till some guys (I'm a girl, you see) stay away from me. They see me as a girl with distant and stone walls, means I am not friendly. That surprised me. You never know how the way people see you until someone tells you the truth. Then this acquaintance of mine also told that there's a girl who hates me without reason. Whoa.

As long as I remember, I didn't do anything harmful or rude to them. Maybe, I don't smile too often (or should I? Cause it's very discomfortable!). But, you know... I have some theories:

1. I live in country that is well-known for its nice people, hospitality and heart-warming smiles. I told you the truth, people here don't smile here genuinely because it's a social protocol. You meet people, you gotta smile, because if you don't... they will look at you like you walk on fire because you're SNOBBY or INDIFFERENT. That is Indonesia. 

2. The idea of a women who wear hijab should represent a nice personality or at least... feminine. Guys who see women who aren't like that would probably judge them as INDIFFERENT or DISLIKE men in general (which is abnormal, of course). You know, all stuffs like... as a muslimah, we should keep our sight, keep away from touching men (non-muhrim), not being flirty, etc. Maybe people who judge me as an indifferent person think this way. I am a conservative muslimah. Bullcrap.

3. Possibly, I am as they see... an indifferent person. Well, I don't ignore the fact though. Also, I don't despise the idea of me being cold, closed, indifferent, mysterious, anything at all. It's their opinion. What I hate is... how could they possibly judge me as they like while they even barely talk to me, only know my first name, never smiled at me, just looking me afar waiting for me to say fucking 'hello' first like normally Indonesian do?? It was upsetting me very much as they talked behind me. 

I love myself, although there are times when I hate myself. Like any other person. 

I won't change. Because i believe, whenever we should care of others, we do it from our heart, not because of goddamn social protocol. Same thing with smiling or listening to others. Because if you do that other way, you are just a fucking PHONEY and that's the last thing I wanna be. 

My last word, those who hate just gonna hate. If they truly want to be friends, well.. they will find me a passionate, caring, loving, loyal, most trusted person they ever encountered in their life. I promise myself that.

But again, not for phoneys and stupids. 

My Dear Old Friend

Semalam teman lamaku datang dan kami langsung bercerita banyak. Bahkan hal-hal yang belum kusampaikan pada teman-temanku dekatku yang lain. Bertemu dengan teman lama selalu merupakan momen yang ajaib. Pikiran kita membandingkan diri mereka dengan yang dulu, lalu kenangan-kenangan lama yang hanya diketahui bersama dibicarakan dengan rasa haru, dsb. Pokoknya teman lama selalu dapat membawa kita ke saat-saat yang paling kita inginkan di masa kini, mengerti 'kan maksudku?

Walaupun aku tak menyangka ada yang merindukanku, tapi ternyata ada juga. Sungguh suatu kebahagiaan sederhana tapi sangat berharga. Kami membicarakan beberapa orang dalam hidup kami yang sama-sama kami kenal baik. Ah, sebenarnya tidak semua teman lama seperti itu. Tapi yang satu ini lebih pantas disebut sahabat lama.

Oliver Goldsmith berkata; "Saya menyukai segala sesuatu yang lama. Teman lama, buku-buku tua, masa lalu,   dan tentu saja anggur yang lama". Mungkin karena terkadang dalam hidup, yang memberi nilai dan arti untuk setiap hal adalah waktu. Waktu dan hanya waktu yang membuatnya berharga. Jika ia terus teringat, terkenang, atau terus dibahas... berarti ia punya nilai tinggi. Itu juga alasanku lebih suka pada hal-hal yang lawas maupun klasik. Buku, musik, seni, gaya, dan lain sebagainya yang telah teruji oleh waktu.
Begitu pula persahabatan, hanya waktu yang bisa menentukan apakah ia sahabat yang tulus atau tidak?

Sahabat lamaku,
jika kau membaca postingan sederhana ini, aku hanya ingin berkata aku sangat berterimakasih padaNya kita telah pernah berkenalan dan dipertemukan kembali. Banyak orang berlalu dalam hidupku, diantara mereka meninggalkan rasa sayang ataupun pelajaran berharga. Kau adalah satu diantaranya. :-)