Memories

I have ever heard that if we recall the past by our memories, means that we’re dreaming and dreaming means illusions. 

Maybe it’s true, because the more I remember him, get into that exaggerated memory of the past; I know it doesn’t very real again. Our minds just like automatically add something here and there then make it up so the real image becomes so delusional…

But why, it’s so devastating… Because if it’s not by recalling the past, how can we keep the memory lives on?

How can we remember those who ever been in our lives?

Shall we let it go and wish a better day?

We’re growing and also the people we know. Growing means changing. Then everything won’t be the same.

I wish it’s not. I think Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye gets my point, why can’t everything stay as it is??

And I think about him, I feel inside my heart I know it’s a childish thing to remember him in the same way. When he has gone long way before I type this, we split on our own paths, we live another lives, haven’t seen each other for time that feels like forever…

One night, I dreamed about him, which was surreal… I cried in my dream, seeing his face which was very funny because he was very good-looking, but when I woke up, tears have already rolled on my face. I can feel my heart hurts so badly and I can’t stop crying while I was walking limply to the bathroom. That was like a millionth time I dream of him.

Keeping my head on a surface, breathing from the reality air feels terrible. Days are waiting ahead, but memory keeps after me.

I can’t say goodbye to you. ‘Till my feeling reach to you.